My friend recently told me that a guy that explicitly told her he did not want to a pursue a relationship, was her lobster. Yes, the analogy from Friends where Phoebe claims Rachel and Ross are lobsters because lobsters mate for life and hold hands until they die. In theory, my friend believed the guy was her soul mate. I had no idea what to tell her, I had never met the guy but he seemed like a good on paper, but bad everywhere else guy. So, I sent her the Amazon.com link to Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo’s, He’s Just Not That Into You.
No, I’m not a horrible friend who is sitting on her relationship pedestal telling singletons all over that they just aren’t good enough. I truly believe that the writers are onto at something. I own a copy that is proudly displayed next to Dostoyevsky and my Black’s Law Dictionary and I have read it about ten times: in the beginning, ends and very ends of relationships. Each time it has proven to be true that the guy only pulls the shit he does because he is simply just not that into me. After shedding a tear to the realization that not every man alive will fall in love with me, I’ve pulled myself together and moved on.
I have no regret in recommending the book to friends that are unhappy in relationships. The book is supportive but frank. It says everything that a friend or loved one is afraid to tell you - there are no excuses to why he acts the way he does – more importantly, you should not be making excuses for him.
Thumbing through the book after recommending it, I realized that it didn’t just apply to relationships, it really goes beyond relationships. We are all conditioned to work hard for everything in life - jobs, material possessions, etc - and when love or money or other things we want don't come to us, it's easier emotionally to justify or make excuses as to why we're not getting what we feel we deserve when. Whether it's the attention of a man or a promotion at work, the power of this book is that it tells you in no uncertain terms that you are the only one who will suffer if you continue to cling to something that wasn't meant to be.
After my first semester of law school, I found myself extremely unhappy with the realization that I would not work in “biglaw”. I too made excuses, but when I realized that I would be happier and better-suited working in a smaller firm, I felt liberated. For the first time in a long time, I realized that maybe biglaw was just not that into me and I was content with trying to figure out what was.
With the old adage “that there are plenty of fish in the sea”, I think my friend is searching for her new lobster and I, a midsized firm with an aquarium.
On my Ipod: “I’m So Into You” by Aaliyah
